Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
