It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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