We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
