how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So much rum. So many feels.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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