This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
