My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
