Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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