she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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