is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Im part way to drunk.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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