am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
