So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
