the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
