were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
