if i died would you start the facebook group?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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