For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
