I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My pussy is not your playground.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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