just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
