he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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