i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
