some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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