You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
