Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
