I seem to have left my pride at pride
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
