In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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