I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I pour the whiskey from now on
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
