I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Alive.
So much puke
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
