I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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