Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
