You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
