I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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