I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
When did angry sex become our thing?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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