I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
