Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
