Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
