true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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