home. puking in laundry basket.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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