I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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