i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
