just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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