HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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