New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
