I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
