He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
