So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
