So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
