A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
