escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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