paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He felt like a one man threesome
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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