I CAN MOONWALK!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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