You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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