I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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