there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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