Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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