You smell like a Billy Joel song
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
