Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
