She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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