if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
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All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
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Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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