remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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