she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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