I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
