Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
