I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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