dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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