I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
