So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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