Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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