I must be too annoying 4 u.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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