She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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