So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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